Dogs 1.0

Dear Bill Gates,

Recently I purchased and installed DOGS 1.0. I soon noticed that this program appears to have numerous glitches. For instance, every time my computer boots up, I have to run Feed 5.3 and Water 7.1. Many times I've been in the middle of writing an important document and a window will flash telling me to run Take for Walk 2.0. This program also contained applications I did not wish to install, such as Pooper Scooper 8.5, and Drooling dogs 9.4.

Applications such as Vacation 2.7 and Free Time 10.1 can no longer run, crashing whenever selected. Possibly the worst is that DOGS 1.0 has attached itself to programs like Finance Manager and MS Money, with folders added such as "Entry Fees" and "Puppy Toys". Periodically, I'll get a reminder telling me to send a check to the manufacturer of DOGS 1.0 for the aforementioned items.

I have tried to uninstall DOGS 1.0 numerous times but when I try to run the uninstall program, I get warning messages telling me that a deadly virus known as "Dog Show Withdrawal" will infect my system. Please Help!!!!!

THE REPLY:

Dear User,

Your complaint is not unusual. A common misconception among users is that DOGS 1.0 is a mere "utilities and entertainment program." It is not - it is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its' creator to run everything! A warning will soon be imprinted on the box.

Since you have already installed DOGS 1.0, here are a few tips on how to make it run better. If you are annoyed by the applications Feed 5.3 and Water 7.1, you may run C:\HIRE HELP, however this will cause another folder to be added to financial applications, labeled "Staff". Failure to send payment to "Staff" will result in Feed 5.3 and Water 7.1 being run again on startup.

A note of caution: NOT booting up your computer for several days isn't the solution to avoiding Feed 5.3 and Water 7.1. You will find that, when you boot up your computer again, a nasty virus called "Barking and Howling 4.2" will have attached itself to important documents and the only way to rid your computer of "Barking and Howling 4.2" is by purchasing and installing "Vet 10.1", which we admit is extremely expensive but crucial. Otherwise, "Barking and Howling 4.2" will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.

Finally, it is important that you run C:\Milk Bones and C:\Tummy Rubs on a fairly regular basis to keep the application running smoothly. If you have any more questions, please call our toll free number.

Sincerely,

Tech Support